bears

My Bears Ritual

So, here’s the thing. I have a ritual of watching the Bears game alone, every time I watch them alone, they win. It’s been that way since the 2005 season. For every game they’ve lost since then, I either missed the game, or watched it with a group. Prime example, the lose to the Packers on 1/2/11. We had a bunch of people over and they lost.

Yes, I know, it sounds stupid, but the numbers don’t lie.

Today, however, I’ve decided to go to a friends house to watch the game. This has drawn much criticism from my friends and family. They’ve already started blaming me for the loss. “How could you do this to Chicago?” “How could you pick the biggest game of the year to do this?”

Here is what was one of my family members emailed my wife:

You must seriously consider the joy you will bring millions. At 11:45am, dose his beverage with 2-4 drops of visine or any other eye drop. Better make it 5 drops, just to make sure. He’ll be fine, just a little violent vomiting and diarrhea. He’ll be back to normal by 9 or 10pm (maybe tuesday).

Of course if the bears win, you’ll have to do it again 2 hours before the super bowl. Those 2 hours gives you enough time so that you’re still home when this happens and can leave by yourself to attend any super bowl festivities. Any closer to kick off may find you on the way to or at the party, which would require you to drive him home.

Remember:

Jesus went to the cross for mankind…..What’s a little vomiting and diarrhea for millions of Chicagoans. Firas will be immortalized for his sacrifice: “Firjesus” or “Frihst” or “The Firssiah”, and he’ll drop 5-12lbs. Everybody wins!!!!!

You can do it! Be our Pontius Pilot.

PS: You will need some pepto, immodium and or donnagel. Don’t break it out right away, let him lay next to the toilet for 30 minutes, dont’ want the symptoms to subside too soon. But make sure he’s near a television. Don’t want to be sadist.

So in essence, its me that wins Bears games, and not those multi-million dollar football players on the field…… I don’t think so. At least I hope its not just me…

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